In my testimony I mentioned how I idolized Beyonce. I was seven years old when it was no longer okay to be myself.
Me being from Houston, Texas did not help much as our city was proud of Destiny’s Child, especially the little black girls who saw a hope into being a somebody. Or let me speak for me and my cousins, as those little black girls.
(L2R: LaDondrea. Me. Stacey.)
We pretended to be them. I, of course, was Beyonce, my cousin Stacey, was Kelly, and my cousin LaDondrea, was Kellyonce; At this time, as sad as it is, nobody wanted to be Michelle. Not to shade who Michelle is as a beautiful creation from God; it’s just that we had too much loyalty to the original group of ladies.
Plus, I once went to the same ice cream shop that Beyonce went to as a little girl, where the store owner, Mr. Hank, would tell my cousin Stacey and I stories of Beyonce & Kelly when they were younger; so in my mind, I was definitely in, “the know,” of Beyonce.
Fast tracking through my life, I owned every CD, DVD, knew all of the lyrics, went to all of her Texas shows. I even defended her like she was my sister if an individual stated their personal dislike for her.
I wanted her life, her beauty, her talent, her.
Even once I got saved, I saw no problem with Beyonce. My other favorite artists began to really convict me such as Kanye West, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, and Rihanna. But Beyonce’s music, I made a pass for, because it was not, “so bad.” Plus! I can just sing ‘Halo,’ ‘Dangerously in Love,’ to Jesus; and sing ‘Best Thing I Never Had’ as a diss to
In 2012, my favorite preacher, Heather Lindsey, wrote a blog post on, how music & tv affects our lives, and consistently tweeted and wrote messages on how we should guard our hearts. I listened and acted on what I wanted to; but at first, I did not accept this message, because it CONVICTED me. I did not want to give up Beyonce, and Basketball Wives.
The Lord really graces me here. I’m stubborn, and He is such a gentleman.
Through 2012, by grace I gave up certain shows and music here and there. I remember literally taking my Watch the Throne, Take Care, and Talk that Talk albums, and throwing them into the trashcan in my mother’s home in the country. I stocked up on more Christian rap and was good.
A veil, from this life conditioning of sin; I was so blind. I did not accept that I idolized Beyonce until February 2013, when Beyonce announced her Mrs. Carter tour. What! I’m there, floor seats, and nothing less, like always. My sisters also wanted to go, and money nor location was of a problem. If I wanted to watch Beyonce in Puerto Rico, New York, or Las Vegas I could have.
But I couldn’t even get a ticket in DALLAS.
How could that be so when I skipped class to make sure I got my ticket on the pre- pre-sale date. Even though I had more than enough money in the bank, and a flight out to anywhere, I was not supposed to be there.
God revealed me. I then knew I idolized Beyonce. This hurt me to my core as I literally became depressed and cried the entire day because I could not get floor tickets to an entertainer’s show that I’ve been to since 7.
I had to repent once I got out of my prideful fit. Then, I had to let her go.
Since that month of February I had been careful until, December 2013. When Beyonce released her 5th album unexpectedly.
I wanted it so bad, but I did not get it. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, asking God if I was over idolizing her, and if it was safe for me to own this album. I did not get a yes, but every time I was tempted to listen to a song I felt a bad vibe, a conviction from the Holy Spirit, that I began to ignore. Because again, I must rationalize Beyonce in my life.
I thought this time, ‘heeey, she’s married so she can sing about sex,’ even though I’m a single woman listening. ‘If unpure thoughts come I will think about my future husband,’ duuumb. And last but not least, ‘I just won’t listen to the dirty songs.’ So I didn’t buy it.
But I quickly gave in. I downloaded everything for free from my cousin Stacey’s iTunes account. To then later purchase the CD for my car to listen to over the holidays.
Everytime I would listen to the songs, I was so convicted. But that soon started to fade away, to the point of me listening to Blow quite comfortably, and I edited a few choice words within the song as I sang along. (By the way, I thought that by purchasing the edited version, made things better.)
Spiritually, I allowed another distraction to drift me from God. I have not been spending time with Him as I should desire to, and one day after working late this month I got so tired of our distance, and my lukewarmness.
I got on my face and I asked God, what did I need to do to get back to Him; to desire Him again like I did when first got saved.
God told me this exactly, straight from my prayer journal.
Throw Beyonce’s CD away. Out of the window. You weren’t ready.
Ouch. Then the Holy Spirit kept on and revealed how that music affected me.
Idolized Beyonce, wanted to look like her, attention from men, facad, lust, sexual immorality, selling self short, bulimic thoughts, fit this image.
I left my job, and on my way home, I did not listen to another song. I had to obey God. I ejected the disk, and once I drove near a small area in my neighborhood that had a creek, I rolled the window down, and frisbee’d it out into an area that none should be in for any retrieval.
He also told me to post this blog about why I won’t be intentionally listening to Beyonce again.
I still love the song Pretty Hurts + Heaven; however, I want to move forward with God, and I can’t do that without doing the last thing that He told me to do.
In honor of our relationship, I pray that this post blesses and convicts those according to God’s will back to repentance. May God be with you all. Have an amazing Sunday!