Some more than others. But I’m generally guarded.
I noticed how bad it was in my last relationship, so I tried opening up.
I tend to have people earn my love; which I see is so wrong, because:
a) I’m no one worthy, and
b) Jesus Christ isn’t like that.
I should love like Him.
But while pouring my life to this guy, initially I noticed that he didn’t reeeally care. He didn’t care about really, really knowing me. I think he may have enjoyed whatever image and idea he had of me.
But I gave him reality.
I’m human. I’m messed up. You can’t see that on Instagram.
I have serious trust issues. I side eye everyone.
But that relationship showed me that I definitely even side-eye God!
Thankfully that relationship presented a mirror to reflect upon my heart, (as all healthy relationships should.)
It’s like Jesus had to have a flesh example of OUR relationship.
Exposing how I really treated Him…
How I’ve really been a wife to Jesus, through that beautiful melanin-toting man.
Self-righteousness & pain is what I’m full of.
Was I really ready to be a wife? Probably not.
And he wasn’t ready to be my husband.
We would’ve devoured one another.
The truth hurts.
Wait. But does it?
No, it loves.
Lust, idolatry; those blind and hurt.
I think there’s an art to trust.
I think that we are to trust the Lord only.
I can’t trust myself; or truly, other people.
But if I trust the Lord, He will guide me to where I can relax, and not be so on guard to whom and what to trust.
He’ll simply tell me.
There are indicators & wisdom to telling your story.
Definitely those who won’t shame you are whom I’m vibing into.