The Lord revealed that I am still fearfully hesitant to befriend women.
With men, there was ease in false thinking that I had something to offer, such as intimacy, love, and affection. Romantically speaking of course, since I am just now also learning how to have pure non-romantic friendships with men.
I have never had a pure friendship with men really until now. Nothing close with a man where they knew my soul; unless they were either attracted to the same sex solely, or unless we were in some shape or form romantically interested in one another.
With women, its just me. Women don’t want anything but to know and love, me.
Thankful for the revelation, and sad to see that I gave a lot of worthiness to a human connection, that rested upon a romantic physical attraction.
I’m afraid to mess up relationships. So, I either don’t put forth much effort, or I try even though I don’t understand why someone would stay for… me. I try all the while trying to not sabotage the entire friendship someway or somehow, whether it is unconsciously habitual, or intentional. I do this with Jesus too.
As I am now aware of my wayward behavior, by the grace of the Lord I am building beautiful and pure friendships with both men and women. I am restoring olden ones by the Lord’s leading, and accepting that Jesus really does just loves me & what it means to Him calling me a friend.
I want to thank all of those that I call a friend. You know that I’m so broken in this area, however you’ve shown me much grace & have loved me dispute my many efforts of pushing you away due to my inability to view me as the Lord does… someone worthy of Love. May there always be grace amongst us.
How are you in the area of friendships? Comment below sharing & give a shout out to your friends! May the Lord’s peace be with you all!