To you, on chance 1,000. Take 1,001.
The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.
After witnessing the wind getting knocked out of me, the Holy Spirit said, “Get Up.” My lips didn’t move while every remaining part of me responded, “but… i can’t get up.”
Shame paralyzed my mind & my body.
My arms & legs weren’t bound. My hands & feet weren’t bloodied. And my bruised heart desired so badly to get up from slipping and falling. But my body went into shock.
Throbbing pain sounded the ritualistic initiation of a new star being born into the pattern & lineage of my Unworthiness Constellation.
On back, I gazed upon each star representing a psychological scar of past.
The crying of the newborn star diverted my wisdom to be gained by the grandmother stars. The grandmother stars said, “The first cry is a survival call. Don’t worry. You need your rest from experiencing pains of birth. Let the Father help you & hold the star.”
Instead, I threw my Black Superwoman Cape on, & plastered on my Perfect Christian Mask as I wouldn’t hand over my newborn star.
To the grandmother stars I replied, “Why bother the Father when I’m the mother? I can rest and learn wisdom of healing later. Right now, this baby needs me, & I’ll be fine.”
Shame took me into isolation. Alone, I coped. I rocked the baby. I stayed up all night. I fed the baby. I cleaned the mess made. I did all that I possibly thought the baby needed, when all I needed was the Father.
I needed the Father’s presence so that I could heal & recover. I needed someone on my team; to help me rise again.
The grandmother stars wanted me to gaze long enough to remember not just the stories of my scars but how the Father was there to help me feel, deal, and heal.
I usually start my slipping & falling stories the same.
Step 1 into my old ways of coping is: ignoring the pain, thinking it will eventually disappear. Ignoring it also means that I will not burden anyone, even God; because in my world, emotional intelligence is not valued & best served silent.
Ignoring my emotional health always leads to step 2: coping with anything other than taking chance 1,001 on God.
Taking chance 1,001 looks like giving Him another chance to be there for you, to heal you, to help you, to pick you up, to teach you how to righteously fight back, or whatever it is you aren’t giving Him a chance to love you on & through.
I initially never take another chance on God until I’m desperate & have exasperated all of my secondary ways of coping that never heal me.
Instead I get discouraged in looking upon the vast amount of stars & assume that God doesn’t want to give me another one of my unlimited chances of grace in Christ Jesus.
I want to act as a grandmother star & ask you to remember the last time He compassionately offered you another chance when you felt least deserving and hopeless; Now allow that to reframe your perspective.
For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.
The context of this scripture refers to the righteous & godly’s world falling, not the godly falling morally byway of sin. But I believe that after repenting, God even wants to help you & I rise up from the muck that you & I chose to return to.
I want to encourage you that although you may be slipping, falling, & true to your heart, are paralyzed into believing that you can’t get up: You will rise up.
There’s hope, well because… Jesus.
I wanted to encourage you that you aren’t alone.
You aren’t the only Christian slipping and falling, no matter how long ago you accepted Christ as your Lord & Savior. And if this applies, you aren’t the only black woman who can’t keep “it” together & appear strong 24/7.
One of my favorite authors, Iyanla Vanzant, abbreviated PAIN as Pay Attention Inward Now. Stop & feel PAIN with the Holy Spirit to regain emotional footing, so that true healing may begin.
Take chance 1,001 & pray. Trust, from someone already taking chance 1,002.
Wearing: Forever21, H&M, Nordstrom, Sam Moon, & Topshop. Photographed by: Yasmeen Frazier
Scriptures that are helping me Get Up:
“Everybody feels down or sad at times. But it’s important to be able to recognise when depression has become more than a temporary thing, and when to seek help. As a general rule of thumb, if your feelings of depression persist for most of every day for two weeks or longer, and interfere with your ability to manage at home and at work or school, then a depression of such intensity and duration may require treatment, and should certainly benefit from assessment by a skilled professional.“
Have you ever felt like you Can’t Get Up? Tell me about it in the comment section! I would love to hear how God brought you through a time of hopelessness. You can also leave a prayer or encourage someone below in the comment section!
I also would like to pray for you if you feel as though you can’t get up, please comment below or contact me here.
May God’s love comfort you.