I felt unholy looking through the holes of my fishnet stockings.
I cringed creeping down the church pews past fellow church member knees.
I couldn’t even stand up with the congregation in the reading of the Word, nor sing the lyrics to the worship song with my eyes glued down to the floor.
I physically shrink during the minimization of myself in vast fear of drawing attention away from everyone’s Jesus.
But it’s a start.
I usually don’t go to church…
Previously when I did, it was the best I could “modestly,” appear to be, without “being a distraction.”
I remember numerous times of not feeling well enough to attend after my weekly Sunday morning breakfast of anxiety.
Many mornings my mind escaped to the sunken place once my feet met the entrance of my closet and viewed clothes that don’t necessarily meet the, “won’t make your brother in Christ stumble,” mark.
I currently have a dress in my closet that is stained with shame from being too short for me to sing in the choir in front of the congregation without either another chair blocking my legs or a scarf.
Today I shun my acculturation of western Christianity’s modesty:
The modesty that objectified me.
The modesty that is unapologetic in accepting individual choice of style that can be influenced differently across cultures, context, age, personal convictions, and other reasons unknown to you & I but matter tremendously.
Yeah, THAT modesty that has aided in binding me with chains of shame contorting my body into a breast-less, hip-less, and booty-less projecting Kali.
I thank God that there is no universal outward adorning Christian appearance! Even in His creation of you & I do we differ greatly and beautifully with leaving only the slight resemblance of our parents, and our parents-parents.
“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” … “Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”
Colossians 3:12 & 14
It’s okay that I like 6 inch dancer shoes, (that are more comfortable than an average pair btw,) with bling-bling on them.
I’m gonna wear bikini’s, crop top’s, and body con dresses.
And I’m gonna love Jesus in all of these garments too.
Instead, I’m going to focus on clothing my character and not trip myself up too much on shopping at other stores that don’t have scriptures printed on the bottom of their shopping bags.
So if I can’t sing in your choir because my dress is knee length, then whatev’s! I’ll still sing along in the nosebleed section of pews just the same because Jesus deserves my worship.
Also, if you think I’m going to hell for not wearing a spanx to make my butt appear smaller, or a tutu to cover up my God-given hips, then… k.
Still love you though!
Dress by Asos. Shoes by Pleasure USA. Coat (terrible quality for price & the worst shipping and customer service known to man) and Purse by My Mum Made It. Choker by Fashion Nova. Double Tiara by Agaci.
Inspiration: if Diana Ross was inspired by Paris Hilton’s 21st birthday look.