I think many people can gather and come to a consensus that 2016 sucked.
Since it to be wise that I only speak for self, 2016 sucked for me especially.
Unfortunately what made, “It,” suck trickled in from 2015; and no other song can better define it than the lyrics to Cranes in the Sky a la carte my commentary.
I tried to drink it away (red wine is good for the heart, white wine has less calories)
I tried to put one in the air (*flicks lighter* fuego)
I tried to dance it away (clubs, parties, balls, mardi gras, bars, bar mitzvahs, WHEREVER)
I tried to change it with my hair (want to shave your head bald again?)
I ran my credit card bill up (shopping is a form of therapy, right?)
Thought a new dress make it better (until I couldn’t fit it…)
I tried to work it away (#GIRLBOSS validation does not apply here. Thanks.)
But that just made me even sadder (Q: what happens when I’m off the clock? A: refer to first line of song.)
I tried to keep myself busy (Hm, *insert bird man hand rub* how shall you avoid today?)
I ran around in circles (Haha! “It,” can’t catch me now!)
Think I made myself dizzy (*fall’s out from exhaustion* awww “It,” caught me.)
I slept it away (ZZz’s, had a good snooze sleeping on myself)
I sexed it away (Serious celibacy blues.)
I read it away (Iyanla Vanzant, Brene Brown, & Ntozake Shange)
I tried to run it away (because that is a good way to fight, “It.”)
Thought then my head be feeling clearer (I ran. I cried. I ran & cried.)
I traveled 70 states (Wheel’s up! Vegas, New Orleans, LA. Broooo I’m SO out of here.)
Thought moving around make me feel better (Still cried.)
I tried to let go my lover (All of my lovers = family, friends, & the fine men)
Thought if I was alone then maybe I could recover (Slight victim mentality? Yup, just a little bit)
To write it away or cry it away (Well… duh.)
I tried to binge “It” away, but that just made me even fatter.
No that lyric isn’t in the song possibly because Solange has never experienced binge eating as an unhealthy coping mechanism. But binge eating disorder has always been present to be apart of my song… and, “It,” was my Clinical Depression.
I cried, and laid, and ate, and drank, and danced, and shopped absolutely NOTHING away. But I believe that many who love me prayed it away for me because I didn’t even pray for myself; thank you.
Now that I am transitioning out of my depression, I must exercise my self-control & become spiritually disciplined once again. For me, weight loss is such an amazing way to grow in discipline spiritually, mentally, emotionally, everything-ly!
Usually a before image is shared after a noticeable difference can be seen by the natural eye; but honey, let these oh-so-current visuals of me in a bikini serve the purpose of being my, “before,” weight loss media.
And I’ve been fighting with myself about posting images of me in a bikini. Thought’s questioning my Christianity, womanhood, modesty, motive, and ten million other battles.
But, I’m in a bikini because I wanted to combat the shame of not loving my body right now, which is before the healthy transformation begins.
But, I’m in a bikini because I wanted to create community with you regarding wellness & health. You may be starting your weight loss 31+ days late of the new year like me, or you may have an active & habitual healthy lifestyle.
But, I’m in a bikini because I know that accountability will kill the environment of secrecy that my binge eating disorder thrives in.
But, I’m in a bikini because I understand the importance of diverse media representation.
But, I’m in a bikini because I support body positivity & self-acceptance.
But, I’m in a bikini because I want to stand against hyper sexualization of your body & mine.
But, I’m in a bikini because I want you and I to be proud of our curves, and not shame them away because we’ve identified ourselves as the doom of a man’s lusting.
But, I’m in a bikini because I also need to get over just the appearance of my body and thank my body for doing it’s job; being a home for the Holy Spirit.
But, I’m in a bikini because… it’s just a bikini.
Well it’s like Cranes in the Sky. Sometimes I don’t wanna feel those metal clouds.
Metal clouds are the worry, clouded state or cause of gloom AKA the battle. So I understand if sometimes you & I don’t want to feel them.
By definition, cranes are mainly used for lifting heavy things and transporting them to other places. Cranes use one or more simple machines to create mechanical advantage & thus move loads beyond the normal capability of a human.
Here’s where I’ve gone awry. Jesus is the crane in the sky. Not me. Not you.
You and I are not supposed to be putting any hope in anything outside of praying it away, because the heavy load called burdens are beyond the normal capability of a human!
My attempts at being the crane & exerting all of my energy in moving the metal clouds rendered a many of new consequential burdens… like unhealthy weight gain.
But again & lastly, I’m in a bikini to encourage you to reflect upon yourself and then take action with what Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30…
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
May God’s grace, peace, & strength be with you!
Wearing Zara, ASOS, Forever21, and ShuDeal.
What are your metal clouds? I would love to communicate with you in the comment section!