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No Angel


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I’m not as good as you think or say that I am. And I’m tired of hearing it. It can’t possibly be true. Especially when I need to plea on my knees that I be kept from deliberate sins because I can’t even know all of the sins lurking in my own heart.

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What’s true is that God is only truly good. So where does that put me? In the NOT bin with the remainder of humanity and God-creation.

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But I’m not truly good. And it’s no longer good for me to self-righteously think that I am. Nor is it healthy to compare worth of myself to another whom through my mere human point of view, I count as good; but if I were to have a spiritual perspective, that individual is as pleasing to God through faith. Thankfully because of Christ’s sacrifice only.

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For me, good is comfortable, non-challenging, and a destiny. Fortunately, a destination I couldn’t have ever met without the gift of salvation from Jesus.

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Good visually impaired me. However it made the senses of the nose more effective in detecting the stench of sin being left behind when my good thoughts of myself didn’t align with the reality of my wicked heart.

Never am I in singular, good. Only I AM. Not I. That’s why if you see any good, it’s God.

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May I blow a trumpet for the Lord only, and never boast in anything but Him. May I remember that good is not a destination because Christ has already made me good with the Father. But may I also remember that I am on a journey that Jesus will perfect by His Spirit, not by the physicality of my flesh and the help of a visual impairment of self-righteousness.

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Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don’t see many of “the brightest and the best” among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these “nobodies” to expose the hollow pretensions of the “somebodies”? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That’s why we have the saying, “If you’re going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God.” 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

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Wearing H&M, ZARA, Sam Moon, Topshop, & Forever21.

I love comments so tell me what you think! May God’s grace be with you.

Style

Why I’m “Never” Getting Married


5 Comments

DearNoOne

Okay, you’re right. Never is not for me to say because according to Ecclesiastes 6:10, “Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny.”

However, after feeling so much pressure to be married, I began to question whether if it was a good desire, or a bad one with impure motives that could possibly be in result of societal grooming, and worldly or carnal pressure.

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I thought of how it may be grooming particularly from childhood with the baby alive, easy bake oven, kitchen set, disney princess gowns and plastic heels. Well, let’s leave the gown and heels at 3 to my innate fashion sense.

I thought more on grooming as an aunt whenever I hear my nephew regurgitate societal standards whenever he screams, “My Little Ponies are for girls!” When I know that he loves that show, (he can be apart of the little bronies crew all day at Aunt Kali’s house.)

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And I thought of grooming as a professional in the childcare industry. By being allowed into the “village” of raising foster children, and how we caregivers groom these children into adulthood to “make it,” and reach pivotal steps to be deemed as successful. Pressure to be this well rounded human according to societal and CPS standards. To go to college and complete; because the drop out is seldom glorified. Unless they prove to be brilliant with a successful business, invention, or whatever culture will accept.

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Listen, I believe there are good and bad paths. As an older woman, I should teach the women younger than me. As well as the older man should teach the younger man as stated in Titus 2. I also believe that the Lord should be a lamp unto everyone’s feet, as stated in Psalm 119:105. He will show us the path that He has for you & I as His creations. So I recognize that by looks, one could not tell whether grooming is occurring; or if I really desired that easy bake oven at 3 because I wanted to eat cake all day, (that desire hasn’t left.) But I am saying that motive will determine a lot here.

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I thought of wordly or carnal pressure when I hear songs entitled, “Boaz, I’ve Been Looking for You.”

And I think of wordly or carnal pressure whenever I scroll through countless social media posts promising marriage for the Christian girl, as if we deserve this life event from “struggling” through the single years because our minds are focused on waiting for a Godly man, while becoming this perfect woman to wed. Especially because usually if the elephant in the room isn’t faulting us for not being married by 25, then we do it to ourself.

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It can easily seem like Bitter Betty has her roots still and that Princess Petty is running things here with deciding to “never” get married. But shout out to the Lord for revealing through my last relationship how entailed I was in, the pressure.

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Now, to you whom are in a relationship, this is not a win to, “going with the flow,” as I believe this idea is passed by those who act as though they don’t want to make a choice to be intentional with you, but have made the choice already.

No, I  believe after stating intentions, then the two should go with the God-flow. Both trusting Him with your relationship by involving Him in relation to your purpose, together.

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Me deciding that I’m “Never” Getting Married takes the pressure off of myself mentally as a human, and especially as a woman. I’ve always had this subconscious of doing it for myself. But now I’m back from doing it for man to, doing it for God.

Doing it could mean, keeping my body healthy and strong for service unto the Lord, not vanity and glory to my body to attract a mate, and then to keep him. Doing it could mean, keeping a home pristine for hospitality purposes, not to prove my worthiness as a future wife. Doing it could mean passionately and effectively running a business as #GodsGirlBoss because He created me to do so, not for #relationshipgoals and to care about being perceived as a boss couple.

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I thankfully grew up in a home of witnessing, doing it for myself, as I saw my mother get things accomplished without a father in my home. If the car was messed up, she would get a book, purchase the parts, and fix it herself.

I saw my mom take care of me in her singularity as she chased away the boys with her gun, mowed the lawn, protected me, and install a fence for our pets. The Lord was my father, (I didn’t know then,) but He also really graced her in being a great mother and an awesome presence for me to not really falter because of my lack of having a father. Mommy, if you are reading this, you rock girl!

So I believe transitioning from doing it for myself to doing it for God was easier than a jump from doing it for man, to doing it for God. But I’m graced. Which is most likely why deciding that, I’m “Never” Getting Married, has helped so in this huge jump.

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I pressured myself by wanting to keep the home together, so that I can be a good wife. Keep my body together, so that I can be a good wife. Everything tied to, so that I can be a good wife. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being prepared by God, and nothing wrong with the things above except if they are tied solely and driven by a motive as such.

For me, it was a slight idolization of marriage if you ask me; because I should do all things to the glory of God.

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I cringe thinking of the day after the honeymoon if I were to marry my last and final boyfriend. There was so much pressure of marriage on my shoulders and I would’ve died if we were stuck under the same roof FOREVER, because God definitely led me out of that relationship for many reasons.

But yes you are right. I know that if you or I are to glorify God through marriage then we will have enough grace and time to perfect all that it means to be a wife (or husband) in God’s standards.

 

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What really drove this, I’m “Never” Getting Married, thing was the thought of my niece Ashley, (who would’ve been 22,) passing last summer. I thought of our many girl talks of relationships, marriage, and all of the above.

Ashley was in a serious relationship before her passing. In fact, she died 4 days after her 1 year anniversary with her boyfriend. He was a gentleman. The family approved, and of course we all could hear faint sounds of wedding bells in the distance.

But God had a different plan for her life than from what we subconsciously thought was to be the next big thing.

First comes school. Then, comes marriage. Then, comes a baby in a baby carriage.

Seriously? What if it’s not that? Marriage shouldn’t be the top event of your life.

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Me remembering her life and death reminds me every time of how God is in control.

I looked in the mirror one Sunday morning when I was totally over the feels, pressure, sadness of my last breakup and everything else that may have been associated; and that’s when I finally decided, I’m “Never” Getting Married.

The thought of, what if I die young and it was never His intentions for me to marry, absolutely blew my mind.

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Then, 1 Corinthians 7, Instructions on Marriage came to mind. I then went to go study it and I was reminded of being content and not changing how God found me. I was reminded how it is not a sin to marry, and of 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 specifically stating:

“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”

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In that moment I was reminded that my life, hope, and future belongs to God. That marriage isn’t an end all, be all. God is bigger than earthly marriage and marriage is beautiful, but I should focus on Him and what He’s doing right now as stated in Matthew 6:34,

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

Not on some distant future event that costs someone’s annual salary, and that I won’t remember, (according to married folks.) AND THAT MAY NEVER HAPPEN!!!

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Honestly, I ‘m already married according to Isaiah 54:5. Now I’ve been even more motivated to keep my home, body, and etc., together for THE LORD. I’ve been having my eyes on the wrong thing; cheating on my husband with the desire of an earthly one.

 With this misplaced, I would’ve entered into any relationship WRONG! I don’t know when the point occurred to where I’ve allowed this, doing it for man, subconsciously consume me. But it’s not going to any longer by God’s help.

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Now my mate vision goggles are off with men. Everybody is viewed as a brother. I can comfortably laugh without the dang concern of sending a representative. Even if my brother is sending his best version of himself to please me, I’m still at ease because I’ve decided to devout my life to God as a single.

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I still say, I’m “Never” Getting Married lightly because I do know that God is sovereign. Jesus is the Potter, and I am the clay. And I haven’t forgotten yet that our destinies were set a long time ago. I’m content with never marrying. I’m on God’s plan.

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Wearing Forever21 and H&M.

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Photographed by Najee Rashad. Gif concept by Jazzmine.

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What do you think of the idea of “Never” Getting Married? Does it scare you? Do you feel pressured to get married? Share your thoughts in the comment section!

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May God’s grace be with you!

Encouragement, Style

How to Bounce Back from a Heartbreak


6 Comments

My most recent (and last,) heartbreak has refined me. The Lord has given me great wisdom that I’m grateful for. If I could rewind to approximately a year ago, I wouldn’t change anything to avoid it, but I would tell myself:

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Young girl, pray, pray, pray. Go with the peace of the Lord always. Don’t ignore or throw away those red flags.

But waaaaaay prior to this, know yourself. And to know yourself is to know God. Then you shall operate from a place of love, and you’ll easily recognize if it is love or not by the Love residing in you, the temple.

Be friends. Calm your heart and for sure humble it. Oh, and guard it. Those feelings must be controlled by the Spirit until a time where they are appropriate. Be hopeful by the will of God, and may those feelings begin once the stated and clear intentions are bearing fruit.

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Although that is the advice I wish I knew before, it seems that at least one romantic heartbreak per human is inevitable. So, here are my top five tips of bouncing back from a heartbreak, because you must bounce back my love. You can’t stay down.

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 1) Pray! There’s no way you can do it without Jesus. He’s gonna help you from being dumb. Trust me. Only He has the power to heal you, and help with the next few points.

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2) Play your sad songs. Throw on the Etta & Adele with extreme wisdom. You’re gonna go through so many emotions, and acting like they aren’t there only hurts worse on the day when you can no longer, “have it together.” Don’t fake your pain. You’re hurt, and sometimes, all you can do is cry.

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3) Don’t social media stalk! It’s hard. I know. Sometimes I was successful, and other times, not so much. You may want closure. Or maybe you want to commit social suicide by seeing him happy with her when you somehow wish he was just as torn up as you, (by the way, which has never happened to me. The him being torn up as me part. Never happened.) Whatever the case may be, he’s fine. Now go get fine too.

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4) Talk back to those negative voices pressuring you! Don’t worry about your future, because worrying doesn’t add a single moment onto your life (Matthew 6:27.) You may get married, you may not. Tell that negativity that you’re content with the Lord’s will.

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5) Heck no you can’t be “friends,” immediately after the breakup. Maybe someday later. But you know right now you want Little Roscoe to be your man. You haven’t even deleted your wedding Pinterest board because you aren’t over it. Get real.

TKKxNajee08Wearing Leith, Puma, Forever21, and a thrifted find. Photographed by Najee Rashad.

Those are my personal top 5! How do you bounce back from a heartbreak? Share with me your healthy post breakup tips in the comment section!

May God’s peace be with you!

Journal, Style

Hello


2 Comments

Hello little insecure college girl.
Actually, Goodbye.

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Being free is where I’ll be.
It’s so much better being me.

Being new.
No longer,
You.

You should want to be me!
Free.

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Let it go.
That anger.
That shame.
That insecurity.
You should grow.

The Lord can make you new.
No longer will you be concerned with,
‘if they like you.’

They will.
They won’t.
In despite of what you’ll do.

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But He!?
Chiiild,
He LOVES you!

Everything about you.
That good & that ‘stank’ side of you.
When you’re sweet & when you’re acting buck, boo.
He LOVES you.

You can stay here.
But I’m leaving.

TKKhello101

Jumpsuit, Sock, Bag, Headband, Necklace – Forever21
Top – Crockett ISD
Outwear – Urban Outfitters
Shoes – Converse

May God’s grace be with you!

Encouragement, Style

What is YOUR part?


No Comments

I pray:
LORD please help me to desire you.
LORD please help me with discipline & self-control.

Daily.

And honestly, a prayer for too long now.

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Nothing is wrong with asking for help from the Lord, who can & will provide, according to His will.

But why aren’t things changing?
Why aren’t you growing & maturing?

Why are you desiring things of the world more so?
Why isn’t quiet time a priority?
Why isn’t fellowship as important?
Why isn’t serving through all of your God entrusted gifts okay?
Only do you pick and choose which ones you’ll use as you desire… or have time for.

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Compromising on the things that displease God, with your misconstrued thinking of how to live in today’s world.
The only change you should be making is more to resemble of our Holy God, who doesn’t change.
He gives mercy. But our Lord does not change.

It’s me you see.

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So I’m tired of wandering & being comfortable.
I don’t believe in a stand still, because if you aren’t intentionally moving towards God… you are slowly drifting, away.

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TODAY, I choose to serve God.

TODAY, I prompt you to choose too.

Who will you choose to serve?
You can’t have two masters.

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Photo Credit: Jennifer Woods

Top, Skirt, & Accessories – Forever21
Shoes – Tory Burch

Check out the sermon that Jesus gave me conviction through here.

May God’s grace be with you!

We all have a part to play, comment below telling me what is YOUR part?

Journal, Poetry

Mara Hoffman Swimwear


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I don’t need Mara Hoffman to enjoy the beach.
It’s been supplied with soft grains, a breeze, and an ocean with boundaries.
So thank you online magazines for all of your free insecurities.
But my God supplied all that I need to enjoy the beach: ME.

And this forever21 swimsuit will do just fine.

Style

Happy National Improvement Month


2 Comments

Remember all of that, Healing journey thing? Yeah, still on it.

TheKingKali

While I was in the LAX airport two weekends ago, awaiting my delayed flight back to Dallas; I figured it to be an opportune time to type up & share with you what’s been written in my healing journal.

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TheKingKali

The first page has HEALING written at the very top, as shown to me by God. Then, of course He listed the areas of my life, as if chapters in a book, that need His healing. Not that He hasn’t been doing the work, but that I need to now work and consciously do my part.

• Money / Finances / Giving
• Daddy
• Food / Eating Disorder
• Body Shaming
• Value / Identity
• Love
• Trusting God / Fear
• People Bondage
• Discipline
• Diligence / Time
• Physical Health / Fitness
• Selfishness
• Friendship

TheKingKali

TheKingKali

I so rolled my eyes when I looked at this list again. I’m still not wanting to deal & create anxiety of this journey. But that’s negative Nancy, & she’d rather be stagnant and not mature and grow. Cancel Nancy. Delete.

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September is National Improvement Month!

I don’t want to act like superwoman, (as if I am the source,) and say that in the month of September I am going to tackle all of these areas and be okay. I am just sharing with you & challenging you to identify those messed up areas to give to God this month.

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Photography by Jennifer Woods

Romper – H&M
Shoes – ZARA
Necklace, Ring, Sunglasses, & Purse – Forever21
Nose Rings – Icing

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I am going to charge September with changing my poor habits in these areas and into positive, healthy, and effective ones. As I deal, I will share with you by the Lord’s leading.

Let’s encourage each other! Comment below on how you’re going to improve this September.

May God’s grace be with you beloved.