Note to Self

Encouragement, Journal

Introversion Note to Jesus Level: Extreme


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I remember a time when I didn’t have any friends.
I remember it was just You, and just me.
I want to find life and live it abundantly.
I want to do it alone,
alone with You.

Cold. Presently not present.
Exclamation mark on the end of excommunicated.
I want to be forever alone with the One who will never hurt me, leave me, bruise me, and whom continuously bleeds for me.

I must remind myself that this isn’t real life. One day, there’ll be no more pain for us all. No more anger, nor hurting the Lord. No more bitterness. No more pride and shame. No more games and running the same mountain again. No more people nor angels, who are lame for wanting fame.

Jesus + Kali (and the cats), forever.

We gone thug it out until the end!

XOXO

Journal

Chillax


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In order to help others, I need to get out of that, “everyone is out to get you,” mentality. You can never live in the moment and enjoy the laughter, or even the refining from sorrow. You are trying to think ahead to control and avoid an unknown, but determined future. Chill out. Better yet, chillax.

Journal, Style

Hello


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Hello little insecure college girl.
Actually, Goodbye.

TKKhello103

Being free is where I’ll be.
It’s so much better being me.

Being new.
No longer,
You.

You should want to be me!
Free.

TKKhello100

Let it go.
That anger.
That shame.
That insecurity.
You should grow.

The Lord can make you new.
No longer will you be concerned with,
‘if they like you.’

They will.
They won’t.
In despite of what you’ll do.

TKKhello102

But He!?
Chiiild,
He LOVES you!

Everything about you.
That good & that ‘stank’ side of you.
When you’re sweet & when you’re acting buck, boo.
He LOVES you.

You can stay here.
But I’m leaving.

TKKhello101

Jumpsuit, Sock, Bag, Headband, Necklace – Forever21
Top – Crockett ISD
Outwear – Urban Outfitters
Shoes – Converse

May God’s grace be with you!

Journal

Let Jesus Love You


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You’re afraid.
Because no one has proved to be quite successful in it.
Even you.
You’ve failed the art.

You say you want it.
You say you’ve accepted it.
Then why do you tremble,
and your eyes well at…
LET JESUS LOVE YOU

It’s terrifying!
Maybe because you don’t really know love.
It has to be…
The love you’ve experienced, hurt.
The love you’ve been taught has been perverted and diluted.
You’ve had to earn love.
So consequently, you’ve made others earn yours.
That’s not love. And it never will be.
LET JESUS LOVE me?

But there’s a lot of stuff in there!
A lot of pain of what I’ve done.

LET JESUS LOVE YOU

Unfailing love.
Completely opposite, of all of the other love existing in your knowledge today.
There’s a responsibility we all have. A change.
To love the Lord our God with all of our hearts.
And to love others.

Either forget your knowledge of love.
Or remember, to compare unfailing love to.

Journal

You Are


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You are fit enough.
You are dark enough.
You are not difficult to love.
The difficulty lies within the lover.It’s difficult being selfless.
At all times. No matter what.

We victimize others with love.
They are the reason why they can’t be loved.

That’s deception.

Because when my heart is cold and my tongue is mean,
the Lord still loves me.
Because when I pray consistently and serve willingly,
the Lord still loves me.

He chose me first. He loved me before anyone else.

Including myself.

Journal

Trust


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I don’t fully trust anyone.

Some more than others. But I’m generally guarded.

I noticed how bad it was in my last relationship, so I tried opening up.

I tend to have people earn my love; which I see is so wrong, because:
a) I’m no one worthy, and
b) Jesus Christ isn’t like that.

I should love like Him.

But while pouring my life to this guy, initially I noticed that he didn’t reeeally care. He didn’t care about really, really knowing me. I think he may have enjoyed whatever image and idea he had of me.

But I gave him reality.
I’m human. I’m messed up. You can’t see that on Instagram.

I have serious trust issues. I side eye everyone.
But that relationship showed me that I definitely even side-eye God!
Thankfully that relationship presented a mirror to reflect upon my heart, (as all healthy relationships should.)

It’s like Jesus had to have a flesh example of OUR relationship.
Exposing how I really treated Him…
How I’ve really been a wife to Jesus, through that beautiful melanin-toting man.

Self-righteousness & pain is what I’m full of.
Was I really ready to be a wife? Probably not.
And he wasn’t ready to be my husband.
We would’ve devoured one another.

The truth hurts.
Wait. But does it?
No, it loves.
Lust, idolatry; those blind and hurt.

I think there’s an art to trust.
I think that we are to trust the Lord only.

I can’t trust myself; or truly, other people.
But if I trust the Lord, He will guide me to where I can relax, and not be so on guard to whom and what to trust.
He’ll simply tell me.

There are indicators & wisdom to telling your story.

Definitely those who won’t shame you are whom I’m vibing into.